I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.
UNCANNY AVENGERS #17
Holy Crap. They actually did it. They let the world get destroyed. Ragnarok happened.
Hang on, let’s back up a little.
So this title sounded like a great idea. After the events of…uh,
the Phoenix Five incident…the one where Cyclops got all nutso and killed Xavier
and took over the world and what-have-you…the superheroes decided that an
Avengers ‘Unity Squad’ was needed. In order to show that mutants and humans
could work together for common goals, yadda yadda. So they put Havok in charge
but with Captain America also on the team. And the rest a pretty even mix
between superhuman and mutant heroes.
Now you try to lead a team and be confident in your choices
when the greatest Avengers team leader and field tactician is taking orders
from you.
So it didn’t work out so well. There was infighting, there
was squabbling and the ‘Avengers Unity Squad’ did not set a very good example
to the world.
Then it got worse.
Apocalypse’s twin children…who…he had with…Archangel? I don’t
know. Anyway they’re both pretty damn powerful and have been raised by Kang in
the future, who they hate, or something. Anyway, these two cats show up and
start causing trouble. They steal an enchanted axe that Thor made and use it to
kill a Celestial. I know, right? Those suckers are bad news. THEN they raise
from the dead The Sentry, The Grim Reaper, Daken and Banshee, all who have some
familial relationship to someone on the team. Then they capture the Scarlet
Witch and try to get her to rapture all the mutants off of earth to be saved
from the coming hell. She betrays them, they STILL do it and they kill her! So
all the mutants are on a great big ship ready to leave the galaxy and the
Celestial Executioner shows up to destroy earth for its people being
responsible for killing one of his brethren. And that’s where we begin.
So yeah, sh**’s pretty bad on earth right now, huh? Remender
has really set up and knocked down the dominoes more effectively than in most
crossover/ events of the recent past. And this is ONE BOOK. Take a lesson!
Civil War didn’t get this bad. Secret Invasion didn’t get this bad.
We’ve got several fronts happening in this last ditch effort
to stop their own destruction: Iron Man and the big brains have enlisted Dr.
Doom and his force field machine to try to delay the Celestial Executioner from
setting foot on earth (Come on! Read the book! That’s a good joke!). They need
Hulk to hold the machine together and are big jerks to him to keep him angry. I
think ‘Shut Up, Doom.’ Is the perfect intelligence and communication level for
the Hulk. Well, this plan works for about a second and then the machine blows
up and the Celestial really steps in it (come ON!).
Meanwhile, the Wasp
is fighting the Reaper who is the last of the reanimated corpses. She’s trying
to shut down the Tachyon Dam which keeps Immortus and his people from bringing
help. He’s trying to get her to kill him
so she gives up part of herself and becomes less of a hero. Blah blah, heard it
before. Then Cap shows up and jumps in the middle, Jan gets back to the Dam and
then Reaper KILLS CAP. For real!
Then we have Thor fighting the last of the twins, trying to
get the ax. He’s already had his arm shriveled but he still fights on. He gets
the axe and confronts the celestial, but the twin (Eimin? Cumin? I don’t even
know anymore) gets the drop on him and delays him enough for the Celestial to
put his foot down (nothing? Sigh) and then the EARTH. BLOWS. UP. Thor uses his
hammer to escape to Asgard where Odin is waiting to tell him that the humans
brought this on themselves with their fightin’ ways and that he knew all along
it would come to this.
And that’s it. Wow. This is POWERFUL stuff. Of course it all gets put back soon, but
still. This is great event storytelling the way it should be. Everyone from
iron Fist to Dr. Doom has lines. There’s a whole lotta carnage. And there’s a
message. Again: take a note, Marvel.
Of course, at this point you should probably wait for the
trade if you haven’t been reading all along, but do it. It’ll be worth it.
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