COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXXI (Red Lanterns #29)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

RED LANTERNS #29

I'm mostly in love with Red Lantern Supergirl.

I liked the promise of this development last issue but this one has started to really rock me. I mean this issue was kinda fun!! Like comic books should be! Characterization and expansion of the world and incorporation of other too tier characters, it all happens here! Skallox and Zilius Zox aren't just interchangeable archetypes anymore! Guy Gardner meets Superman! This is a pretty quiet issue but so much stuff HAPPENS!

Ok, not that quiet. It starts out with Skallox testing a weapon he got, that launches missiles tipped with neutron star core matter, at Supergirl to test how strong she is. He then proceeds to fawn all over her, it's almost like he's got a crush. He and Zilius Zox (my favorite new comics comedy team) take Kara to ‘The bar’, essentially the old ‘Warriors’ but remade on Ysmault. More entertaining character banter. Guy shows up to ruin the party and takes them on ‘patrol’ of earth (an excuse to take Kara back to her cousin). She’s none too happy about that when it comes out and throws a teenager tantrum. Ultimately Superman relents and lets her live her life, but not without a warning to Guy that he’ll be watching him.

The Superman. Guy Gardner meeting is terrific. Superman doesn’t really know him but knows OF him though Hal Jordan. And none of it good. Guy cites his JLI membership to no avail. Superman though, being Superman, chooses to let actions speak before hearsay and gives Guy the benefit of the doubt because he helped him save some people. And even though Superman initially reacts badly when he sees Kara all Redded out, he eventually comes to an uneasy understanding with Guy and his cousin’s Red status. Then Zilius Zox mouths off to Superman and makes fun of his cape. Beautiful.

There’s some real ‘family bonding’ happening in this issue between the Red Lanterns and it feels natural and unforced.  They’re not just a band of slathering rage monsters anymore. They have souls, and love, and a bar.

But the heartfelt after school special will have to be put on hold. They return to Ysmault to find a big crater with Bleez in it, beaten and busted. She whispers one word ‘Atrocitus’ and Guy’s fear is palpable. It looks like they are going to need every bit of Kara’s power to fight off what’s to come. And I, for one, am excited about it. More so for this book than I have been in a long time.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXX (JL Dark #29)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK #29

Holy Cats! I actually liked this issue! Stop the presses! And it's even a peripheral tie in book to a crossover that I've repeatedly gone on record as being tired of! What the hell? Dogs, cats...living together...mass hysteria!

I'm so disgusted with these peripheral tie ins that I couldn't even remember half the stuff that happened in the last issue. Plus I think the story also crossed over into the Pandora and Phantom Stranger titles. Essentially Felix Faust, at the behest of the Crime Syndicate, captured all the big time magic users in our universe and held them all captive while he stole their abilities and skills. I guess he succeeded because this issue opens with Constantine having just knocked out Faust and preparing to take all that power into himself. The argument being that if Constantine has it, it's less dangerous than Faust having it. And John claims to be giving it back to it's owners. Except, wait a tick, there are two Constantines on site. The regular jerky one and this new & improved selfless one ready to give back all this power even though it will kill him. Zatanna is understandably perplexed as the Constantine she wishes she was with just showed up and then sacrificed his life. EVERYBODY is confused. Until he reverts back into a demon and Pandora drops some knowledge: it was one of John's 'inner demons' so drawn by the foreignness of his love for Z, that it became human. Kinda hokey, yes, but it works.

So some other demons show up to fight, the real Constantine cuts and runs and the complete spirit catalog of Nanda Parbat returns to our plane of existence to transport the city to another dimension for safe keeping. The captured magicians escape, Z confronts Constantine and kicks him out of the House of Mystery (as it has chosen her to take over).

So definitely an important issue, wrapping up lots of threads and setting the tone and circumstances moving forward. It was also, and I didn't get into it, a great character analysis on Zatanna. The whole issue is narrated by her and said narration doesn't shy away from her feelings about Constantine or the circumstances at hand. So if you're a fan of the character and have been waiting for a nice, juicy chunk of characterization for her New 52 iteration, this is it. And I'm excited to see the direction this book goes in with her in the lead.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXIX (Silver Surfer #1)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

SILVER SURFER #1

The cosmic superhero stuff doesn't turn me on. It just doesn't. Never has. And I'm not sure why. I like science fiction in general. I'm a Star Wars and Star Trek fan. But I've just never been drawn to the cosmic characters and stories in comics, Marvel or DC. So your mileage may vary with my opinion on this book (unlike every other review which you blindly accept as fact).

We open with the Surfer relighting a sun for a small solar system and being embarrassed by the accolades from it's inhabitants. And I mean small in size, like way smaller even than the aliens living in the Port Authority Bus Terminal locker in Men In Black 2 (how's THAT for obscure?). He finishes that task and is confronted by some robot space probes that implore him to come help save the Impericon. Somehow the rider of the spaceways has never heard of this place and apparently that is intentional. Being a former herald of Galactus is not highly regarded by the majority of the universe. They have elaborate shielding and defenses to keep his kind away. He agrees and is brought to the Impericon planet/ship/entity/something and is given the tour. It is the 'Impossible Place' and for good reason. It defies logic and physics. He is shown the enemy he must face, the Queen of Nevers, and learns of 'The Motivator'.

Meanwhile, in a concurrently told storyline, we meet young Dawn and Eve Greenwood, young girls living (what some would say) an idyllic life with their father on a place called Anchor Bay. They mistake the Surfer's initial arrival on earth (scouting for Galactus- which apparently only happened twelve years ago now in the new Marvel math) for a falling star and wish on it. Eve wishes to see everything in the world (and eventually does) while Dawn wants a life right where she is. She gets that as well when we flags forward to the present and Dawn and her father have turned their home into a bed and breakfast. She's got some longing for the life her globe hopping sister enjoys but is also the responsible one and settles herself back in to the B & B.

These stories dovetail when The Motivator is activated. It's purpose is to scan the 'champion's' essence, find the person most important to them and teleport them into captivity. Quite a motivator indeed. The Surfer insists he see who has been taken to motivate him and....doesn't recognize Dawn whatsoever.

I like Dan Slott's writing for the most part. He's funny, irreverent and pretty smart. Some of that is on display here. There could be more. But it was an average outing for him.

And here's where I become unpopular (yeah, this is what does it). I don't like Mike Allred's art. It bugs me. Never got into Madman, I started and finished X-Statix purely for Doop. People love it. He's very popular. I get that. He's just not the kind of artist that appeals to me

So I guess if you like Allred and the Silver Surfer, well, you probably already have this book. If you're not into either of those things, this may not be for you.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXVIII (Sex #12)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

SEX #12

Hey, hey, it’s NEW COMIC DAY!

I hereby apologize to the review copy of Silver Surfer #1 that was on top of my pile this week. If there’s a book that has ‘sex’ in the title, it’s going to get reviewed first. There’s no arguing that. Maybe next time you’ll think that through, Marvel Comics, before you put out *snicker* a number one issue the same week as a sex comic. Or you’ll call it ‘Silver Sex Surfer’ or ‘Silver Sexer’. Something. Think it through.

I will tell you this, though, I haven’t even cracked the cover on that Silver Surfer comic and I can guarantee there’s at least one thing happening in Sex #12 that doesn’t happen in SS #1. Or, quite possibly, any comics out this week by a major publisher.  

Sodomy. It’s what sets Image apart this week. There’s probably a new company slogan in there somewhere, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna go spelunking for it. So to speak. 

I thought I had reviewed issue 11 of this book. But apparently I did not. I think I was going to, but maybe I couldn’t find a way in *snicker* to a frank and informed discussion on sodomy. Because it actually started last issue. Oh yes, dear reader, this isn’t some quick, wham, bam, thank you sir, sodomy happening in this comic book. No way. You deserve better. With this book you get a guy in a bondage outfit drilling down on this book’s Joker/ Riddler-type character for the better part of two issues.

For those of you not clued into the lingo of comics, I thought I’d reprint a satisfactory definition here. But:

Sodomy: The study of grass-tufted squares of earth, usually placed on a horizontal plane in order to create a lawn, ballfield, or park.

Doesn’t seem to cover what’s going on in this issue. Since this is essentially a family friendly website (or so I’m told. Repeatedly) I’ll let you, dear reader plunge deep into the internet and find your own definition.

Now, sodomy isn’t the only thing on the menu in this issue. Not by a longshot. Simon is more angsty and questioning of his own motives. Keenan, who’s up to something, has used his fighting skills (taught to him by Simon) to impress his way into some street gang of ninjas or something. Keenan does, in fact, give it to his girlfriend pretty thoroughly when he gets home from the throw down. Dude must have some serious stamina to pull that off.  The thinly veiled Catwoman character is missing one of her call girls (the one who puked on her client two issues ago) so she goes to her place to see what’s the haps. Coincidentally, the man mountain named ‘Skyscraper’ that Keenan took out to make his bones with the Ninja thugs is waiting at that girl’s house! Maybe we’ll see Catwoman (not Catwoman) throw down herself next issue. 

I’m still enjoying this book ok, but I feel like some of the shine is wearing off. I’m in need of more flashbacks to Simon’s actual crimefighting days and maybe more steamy bedroom business and less stuffy boardroom business. It’s almost getting TOO noir for my taste. And that’s saying something. Let’s see how year two starts out. Meet you back here in a month.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXVII (New Guardians #29)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

GREEN LANTERN: NEW GUARDIANS #29

Why am I even still collecting this book? Your guess is as good as mine. I picked it up 29 issues ago because I liked the concept of the leads from all the various colored corps traveling the galaxy together having adventures. That worked for awhile. But now it's devolved into the Kyle Rayner Show and I'm kinda bored.

Kyle was THE GL when I started reading comics. He was young, untrained, rash, creative and impulsive. His constructs were intricate and artistic and there was nary a giant hand to be seen. He was a real breath of fresh air from what Hal Jordan had become with all the other crazy Parallax business and the weight of the universe on his shoulders.

But in the intervening years, his status quo has gone out the window. Now all the other lanterns think he's dead. He's found himself traveling the universe with Hal's ex, Carol Ferris, who is still a violet lantern, and feelings are brewing there. He's got these serious power levels now from being the White Lantern.  He's kinda become this self appointed interstellar hippie Christ figure. Even Carol calls him a hippie (jokingly, under her breath). I mean, I guess characters should change, evolve and grow but that should also make them more interesting and Kyle has just become...less.

So he's found himself now at odds with the god X'hal, who is something of a patron saint to the Tamaranian people (Starfire, currently in 'Red Hood & The Outlaws' is of this planet). She is basically going from planet to planet remaking them to help the inhabitants solve their problems. Kyle, of course, doesn't trust her and needs some proof. This raises philosophical arguments of 'just because you can remake a world, should you?' etc. By the end of the issue a new threat arises. Apparently X'hal isn't always as benevolent as she seems. The race that turned her from a humanoid into this god-like creature of fire and power, found another planet to enslave and X'hal found them. She shattered this planet and now the survivors hunt her under the name 'godkillers'.

So what?

I have a hard time getting excited about the next issue when its most likely going to contain some more soul searchy, conflicted angst on the part of Kyle and a whole bunch of sexual tension between him and Carol. Bored.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXVI (Iron Man #23)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

IRON MAN #23

I'm really starting to get annoyed by Marvel and all these false Number 1 issues. They know that number one issues tend to sell better than other random numbered issues so lately they've been plastering giant #1s on the covers of issues that are simply beginning new storylines. And while I can see some logic in it for providing a jumping on point for new readers (at least that's the party line), it just feels like a cash grab. And if you're going to do it, give us a great recap of what we need to know. Even just their standard page. This issue was sorely lacking in that. I mean, I know about the Mandarin's rings and why the journalist has no hands, but the average joe picking up this book for a #1 doesn't. Maybe if they are bandwagon jumping just for a #1 they don't deserve to know what's going on. I don't know. This is turning philosophical and I'm just here to review an Iron Man comic.

So the Mandarin's rings are searching for new wearers and we learned last issue that one of the 'new mandarins' is trying to collect all the rings for himself by destroying the other wearers. We also learned that person was Malekith, king of the dark elves (lead villain in the most recent Thor movie, for those who care). Iron Man is in the middle of battling the most recent ring bearer, the disgraced composer of a Broadway musical about him wielding the lightning ring when Malekith reveals himself and takes the composer's hand, including his ring. Tony then enlists the aid of his 'specialist', Shevaun Haldane aka Dark Angel.

Not to be confused with the grossly under appreciated Jessica Alba series of the same name, this Dark Angel is apparently a character from Marvel UK who was given power by the Angel of Death and used it to fight techno-mystics. I don't know. The Brits are weird. And somehow she's now the IT girl for Tony Stark's version of Arkham Asylum (Starkham?).

Tony gets her to build him a new stealth armor and portal so he can go straight to Svartalfheim and take on Malekith and, of course, is materialized right in the middle of Malekith's throne room....

Nothing terribly earth shattering or status quo upending happened in this issue. And that's ok sometimes. We got a new supporting character, some sly snarking at the real world with the troubled Iron Man Musical, plus it's always fun when heroes face off against other heroes' villains.  I especially liked Tony's reasoning for not involving Thor. The Nine Realms are fantastic and magical, but they have their dangerous political landscapes as well.

Plus, Dark Angel is a busty redhead in a tight t-shirt. How can you go wrong with that?

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXV (Thunderbolts #23)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

THUNDERBOLTS #23

This issue made me sad.

It also made me laugh and shake my head and drool a little bit about how hot Elektra is drawn (side note: my Very Special Lady is also Greek, I may have mentioned this. But I have yet to talk her into wearing an Elektra costume for me. Stay tuned, faithful readers, for how this situation plays out. Does anyone know if Lover’s Lane sells pink, furry sais?). But mostly it made me sad.

Why? Venom is quitting the team.

I REALLY like this new Venom iteration. Like a lot a lot. Like I bought the Marvel Select action figure of him when I had sworn off of them. I was never a big Flash Thompson fan. I knew who he was, I knew what he was to Peter Parker and, as a fellow nerd myself, would never, ever root for the jock jackass picking on the character I was in the middle of identifying with. But he redeemed himself. He always idolized Spider-Man (irony!) and wanted to emulate him so, having no powers, he joined the military to make a difference and ultimately has his legs amputated for his trouble. He comes back to the states and drifts for awhile until he is offered the chance to bond with the Venom symbiote by the military. He would be a more directed hero, only allowed to possess the symbiote for 48 hours at a time to avoid permanent bondage, sent on government sanctioned missions, etc. Along the way he’s had his own title (which I STILL need to read), been a member of the Secret Avengers and now the Thunderbolts. Flash liked was recruited into the T-bolts by General Ross and liked the idea of a strike team, with a trusted military man at the helm, where he could still make a difference. And he has been a valued member of the team, if not a full front member (like Deadpool or Punisher).

So what’s this about him leaving? This issue starts with the ‘one for you’ name draw to determine who dictates the next mission. Deadpool gets it and begins to detail his appropriately insane job when Flash speaks up and asks Deadpool to give him his slot. Why, you ask? Because he’s leaving the team and he wants this mission to be for the rest of the team to try and stop the symbiote. See, the symbiote thrives on killing and bloodshed. Flash struggles to keep it in line, but with the ‘Bolts, it always ends up that killing is the solution. And Flash doesn’t trust himself so he wants the team to stop him. To stop it.

This, as you would imagine, devolves into the Venom on the loose in the base and the team playing catch up to try and stop him. He goes through Ghost Rider, Punisher and Elektra pretty easily (although I don’t buy that the symbiote’s history of sin is enough to turn GR into a puddle of regret after a Penance stare, but what do I know?). Ross determines they need to act as a team and his plan (very Scooby Doo-like in nature) results in Ross/ Red Hulk clapping and some device that the Leader built in 5 minutes converts said clap into a sonic blast which separates Flash and the symbiote.

BUT WAIT! Flash takes it immediately back onto him. Why? Because this was a test. He IS leaving the unit but he wanted to make sure that if he ever truly lost control of the symbiote, SOMEBODY could take him out. He now knows this and walks off into the sunset (moon-set?). Along the way Venom told some difficult truths to the members of the team and he ACTUALLY chewed up and spit out Deadpool.

As sad as the outcome was, it was a solid book, with some killer fights, still the level of irreverent comedy I expect from this book and if he had to leave, I suppose this was the best way to do it.

I just can’t wait to see where he ends up next.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXIV (Batman & Aquaman #29)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

BATMAN & AQUAMAN #29

I'm kind of excited about this book now. The Two Face storyline is over and now it looks like Bats will be teaming up with heroes from around the DCU. Now, given, seeing Batman & Aquaman together on the cover brought images to mind of the gone too soon animated show 'Batman: The Brave & The Bold' and the many memorable episodes featuring Diedrich Bader's by-the-book Batman and John DiMaggio's bacchanalian blowhard Aquaman. And I was a little worried it might devolve into those kind of shenanigans.  It did not.

What I failed to mention in my review of the last issue was that Batman discovered the graves of his former lover Talia and his son Damian (Robin) had been disturbed and the bodies removed by Talia’s father and Damian’s Grandfather, The Demon’s Head, Ra’s Al Ghul.  So this issue begins what’s being subtitled ‘The Hunt for Robin’. Batman is in his Bat-submarine, with his dog for some reason, and is heading towards some island Damian had told him about to find Ra’s. Of course, if he’s in the water, Aquaman knows about it, so he shows up. It turns out he heard some whales screaming in the area and came to investigate separately. I can’t make this crap up. So they assault the island (including an army of Aquaman controlled crabs), Ra’s IS there trying to revive his family, but escapes just in time with the bodies. Aquaman discovers the whale carcasses that Ra’s was using to try and grow superhuman clones of Damian (I shit you not) and vows to make Ra’s scream for his transgression.  They fight some nasty multi-headed and misshapen clones who Aquaman then sends to Atlantis in the mouth of another (not dead and gutted) whale. I’m telling you, this all happens.

It’s pretty entertaining to see two dyed in the wool heroes acting like heroes, having an actual, honest to goodness team up to take care of the bad guys. There was no snarkiness, no snide jokes at either character’s expense, just serious heroes and colleagues getting down to serious business involving an evil that affected them both. It’s refreshing, I’m still not sure why the dog came along, but he didn’t leap in and save the day as a deus ex machina or anything so I guess he can stay.

And in a last page preview of next issue’s team up, we see another variation on Batman’s relationship with a different member of the Justice League. Ra’s believes there’s a Lazarus Pit on Paradise Island he can use for resurrecting. So Batman’s off to London to see Wonder Woman. After criticizing her choice of glasses as a disguise, “Clark’s bright idea”, maybe betraying a little jealousy at her relationship with Superman, he asks her for a ride to her island home. I would love to see him seeking help from all his JL colleagues and have an issue with each to examine his relationship with them.  Who knows, maybe we’ll all get lucky.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXIII (Sex Criminals #5)

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COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXII (Nightwing #29)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

NIGHTWING #29

This is my first time reviewing an issue of Nightwing. Weird. Not consciously or on purpose. I guess maybe there were always more interesting or more ‘important’ books that required my attention. I mean, it’s not because it’s a bad book. Far from it. It’s a solid, month in month out, peripheral Bat-title.
 

So why are they cancelling it?

DC has already announced that the next issue will be the last. ‘Fallout from Forever Evil’ blah blah blah. They ALSO announced that this would be longtime writer Kyle Higgins last issue. So what we have here is a rarity in comics. The opportunity for a writer to spend an issue saying farewell to a character he has just spent multiple years writing. And it’s really quite beautiful.

Wait, what? Is that…sentiment I’m showing there? Something other than hard hearted cynicism? This can’t be right.

But it is. If you like Nightwing as a character, you’re probably already getting this series. If you haven’t checked in with him since the New 52 began, here’s a really spectacular issue that encapsulates all Nightwing is and all that he has encountered and survived since the relaunch.

Ostensibly this is, on the surface, the wrap-up to a couple issues worth of storyline.  Mr. Zsasz, low level Bat-villain, serial killer and self-mutilator has found his way to Chicago (where Nightwing has taken up residence). I don’t recall the exact circumstances, but a young girl whose parents were murdered by Zsasz has been staying with Dick and his roommates since the killing. She’s plucky and resourceful so NATURALLY she (almost immediately) figures out Dick is Nightwing. So what does she do? After discovering his costume and equipment storage hidey hole, she steals his escrima sticks and sets off on a quest to deliver some justice to Zsasz. OF COURSE Zsasz gets the drop on her, and just before adding another hash mark to his body, Nightwing bursts in (tracking devices in the sticks, natch) and rescues her by taking out Zsasz with one well-placed roundhouse kick. 

As a superhero adventure, it’s adequate. But it’s what happens between the lines that makes this book so special. Without feeling hokey or forced, Higgins manages to revisit all his major plot points and storylines from his run. From the return of his childhood circus friends, through his reveal as an intended target for Talon-izing, to the fallout from the Joker’s campaign against the Bat Family and beyond, with the deft hand of his artist, he delivers a fantastic coda to this chapter of Dick’s life. And, perhaps, the last.

Along the way, and perhaps what’s most poignant, is Dick’s narrative voice as he recollects on his choices, these things that affected his life, his doubts and fears, primary of which is ‘whether his parents would be proud of him’.  Now this is a sentiment I think we all can relate to. And, from the mouths of babes (ie the little girl he saves), he is reassured that yes, they would be.

There’s so much more, but I would do it a disservice trying to recap it here. Suffice it to say, if you want to give someone a book that completely sums up the essence of this character and the things that make him a hero, look no further.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXXI (Avengers Undercover #1)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

AVENGERS UNDERCOVER #1

More kids...more kids...more kids...

I expressed my disenchantment with the comic book representations of today's youth and their 'problems' during my review of the last Teen Titans issue. It basically came down to: they all make horrible choices that I don't understand because I'm too old and distanced from anything even remotely resembling 'youth' even though I review funny books on this blog. Life is full of circles.

Anywho, this book is a sequel to 'Avengers Arena' which featured scant few actual Avengers and only the most metaphorical of arenas. Nutshell: X-men villain Arcade kidnaps 16 assorted teenage super heroes and whisks them away to 'MurderWorld' his crazy death arena which is more like 'The Truman Show' crossed with 'Survivor'. There he coerces them to fight each other to the death for his amusement. Much angst and questionable decisions ensue. Ultimately they sacrifice and sacrifice, Arcade escapes and so do they. Some of them at least.

So this book picks up about 6 months after those events. Arcade, who filmed everything that happened in MurderWorld, has leaked the videos to the internet and EVERYBODY has seen them. Like 4 million plus views. The youth of the world, crass and unfazed by anything, publicly discuss and dissect the videos like they are some sort of reality game show. Even six months later they are still having the survivors on talk shows. That's where we find Chase of the Runaways, the most vocal of the survivors (even though they made a pact to keep it all secret). We also see The Runaways' Nico who hasn't been able to get past the events, Avengers Academy's Hazmat, now wandering rural America but in control of her powers, Deathlocket, Colin Bloodstone and Anachronism are seen as well (though I didn't follow their regular books so was never able to connect to them).

And, aside from the disconnect with the youth, that's what keeps me from liking this book (and, really, Arena too). I had no point of reference for half the characters. I read regularly Avengers Academy and (thanks to Don Alsafi) the whole of Runaways. But the rest, the Captain Britain Corps stuff? No clue. I hadn't even heard of any of those kids. And now it looks like half of this cast is people I still have no connection with.

So all the survivors assemble because Colin has gone off the grid trying to track down Arcade and was last seen singlehandedly assaulting the lair of the Masters of Evil. Not smart. And they decide to go after him. Little do they know he is under the control of Hellstorm, who has joined the Masters of Evil.

I can't quite put my finger on why I won't be continuing this book. It's a sound enough story I guess. The art isn't terribly annoying. It's just not for me. But if you're the kind of person that enjoys the adventures of angry, disenfranchised teenagers with superpowers and the soulless reactions of all the non-superpowered kids in the world to the suffering they went through, then this is the book for you.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXX (Secret Avengers #1)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

SECRET AVENGERS #1

So last month you read my review of Secret Avengers #16, the final issue of the latest volume.  Well, fourteen of you did. For me it went out with a whimper and not a bang. I was honestly prepared to not continue with the new series. Then, by some strange twist of fate (I think it was Pat Loboyko’s fault) I ended up with the new #1 issue in my pull this week.

And I am SO glad.

This is hands down THE most fun I’ve had reading a comic book in ages. And I was all ready to hate it, from the cover alone! Yeah, yeah, don’t judge a book by its cover…well guess what, I hate the cover artist. What the hell is a ‘Tradd Moore’? Maybe he should have ‘trod more’ at art school before subjecting me to this cartoony, disproportionate head business. But you know what? It kind of totally works for what’s inside.

This book is FUNNY. Like seriously funny (not funny strange). It manages to be at the same time wholly irreverent and remarkably reverent. It’s got lots of action and adventure. It’s got M.O.D.O.K. caught being not as smart as he wants everyone to believe. It’s got hot female superheroines fighting AIM agents while wearing only towels (for me) and a completely naked Hawkeye in the same fight (for the ladies). The easter eggs and in-jokes in this issue are staggering, but don’t take away from the story. 

And there are REAL STAKES. By the end of the book, two big name characters are adrift in space and another has a bullet hole through the middle of her hand. This isn’t some jokey bwah-ha-ha business. The writer described his take on this book as ‘Michael Bay directs an episode of Breaking Bad as it meets Arrested Development, but with spies and super heroes’ and that’s exactly what it is. If you like any of those things, pick up the issue. If you like comics in general, pick up the issue. This is a rare #1 continued from a recent series that DOESN’T require a lot of previous knowledge to follow along *cough*lookingatyouCaptainMarvel#1*cough*

And you know what, I am so in love with this comic, I recommend it SO highly, I’m not even giving a recap. Because I want so much for you to pick up this book and enjoy it, I won’t ruin it like I usually do when I hate a book. So run, buy it, read it, then leave me some comments on what you thought of it.

I’ll leave it at that. Oh, but with two more words: Hulk Hands.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXIX (Captain Marvel #1)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

CAPTAIN MARVEL #1

This probably seems like an unusual choice for me to review. And it kind of is. But the boss slips a book into your pull box with a sticky on it reading "Dance, Monkey, Dance"...well, you start grooving.  So here I am looking at Captain Marvel #1 and having no idea at all what's going on.

I collected the adventures of Carol Danvers some time ago, most likely because I enjoyed the costume she wore at the time. Hey, I like my comics with healthy doses of scantily clad women. If you didn't know this about me, this must be the first review you've read. But aside from her team adventures in the various Avengers titles I read, well, I knew she changed her costume and went back to the 'Captain' moniker but how she ended up living in the Statue of Liberty is anybody's guess.

Yeah. She's living in the head of Lady Liberty with some redhead friend of hers and her kid. Who, why and how, I have no idea. Before THAT she and an unfamiliar crew of aliens land on some planet on some job like she's on the gorram Serenity (that reference brought to you by the fact that I just started watching Firefly). There's trouble from some kind of security force from some other planet. I don't know. Before she left earth she was fighting alongside Jim Rhodes of War Machine/ Iron Patriot fame (who she is also dating I guess) and they find a rogue rocket containing one of her future crew members. A little later she meets up with Tony Stark who tells her he's thinking about putting an Avenger into space on a rotating basis to ride with the Guardians of the Galaxy and wants her to be it. She then has to explain this to Rhodey and it's appropriately difficult to read for anyone that's ever had to say goodbye to someone they really really liked. Then she flies off.

But, and this is why an otherwise ok first issue (assuming you'd read the last series and know how she got here) goes completely south into predictable territory. As Carol flies off, the thought boxes tell the analogy of a little girl running so fast she falls but she flies in that second before crashing to the ground and that's what Carol is after, that feeling again and also to figure out her place in the world and blah blah blah.

They're fine sentiments, but for the love of a swimsuit with a sash, did the writer have to paint it on my eyeballs? I will not be continuing this series, but if you are looking for an empowered female superhero book, perhaps she's even Marvel's Wonder Woman', and either read the previous series or care enough to look it up, this is the book for you!

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXVIII (X Files #10)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

X-FILES SEASON 10 #10

Dear baby Jesus I have such an unfettered boner for this comic I should probably be arrested. And guess what? This issue: Christmas. Not literal Christmas, like it isn’t December in the world of the book, but its Christmas in that it delivered like the jolly old elf with a beard (No, not Pat Loboyko, though he is the reason this is the first review out of the gate) on Christmas morning.  Why, you ask? 

It’s all about Cancer Man!

The Cigarette Smoking Man may be my favorite character from this show, a show chock full of favorite characters. He also may be my favorite all around villain of all time. I was a smoker at the time this show came out so we shared a passion/ relief to the extreme psychological stress and frustration caused by our professions. I had a zippo lighter with the words ‘Trust No One’ engraved on it. To this day many of my online IDs are versions of ‘Raul Bloodworth’ (his nom de plume). So, yeah, I am beyond THRILLED that he is moving into the spotlight in this series.

This issue is entitled ‘More Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man’, a reference to the classic 4^th season episode ‘Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man’. Now, you gotta understand, when this aired in 1996, the internet was still small potatoes (fans will see what I did there). I don’t remember how, perhaps it was from the X-Files magazine I was collecting, perhaps from the fledgling internet, but I remember being RIDICULOUSLY excited about this episode. I mean, here we have the most enigmatic character on a show of enigmatic characters (including one whose real name WAS The Enigma), finally having some light shed on him. After four years of shadowy meetings and dark dealings we FINALLY were going to get some answers.

Maybe.

Now maybe we did, maybe we didn’t. Maybe everything Frohike dug up was out of a crummy magazine, but maybe that magazine was ‘Roman A Clef’ and the Jack Colquitt novel serialized therein was actually a thinly veiled retelling of the CSM’s real life. The world will most likely never know. But I DO know that ‘Musings’ the episode was a fine 45 minutes of TV that linked CSM to the killings of Kennedy and of Dr. King and actually made him something of a sympathetic character. Nobody is the villain in their own story, right?

This issue , though, is merely a setup for further things to come. We revisit the Bay of Pigs and find out that CSM, Mr. Spender, was on the ground in Cuba when everything went south. We see more early interaction with a young Bill Mulder as well as his wife and son. We see him encountering aliens and destroying them. We see him present as the direction of the Vietnam War is discussed, and finally, we see him in the 46^th Street NYC brownstone formerly used by the Syndicate, going over old mementos and pieces from his past life.  And we see that there is someone pulling HIS strings! A mysterious aviator sunglasses wearing man who ‘brought him back for a reason’.  

 It’s starting to get all delicious up in here. I may need to start smoking again.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXVII (Detective #29)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

DETECTIVE COMICS #29

Hey! Look! It’s Gothtopia! That thing nobody cares about!

I just reread my review of the last issue of this book from last month. I was WAY too kind. I’m taking it all back. This storyline sucked on all levels. And why the hell did it need its own trade dress/ storyline name on the damn cover?!?!?

We open this P.O.S. with Batman now under the Scarecrow’s influence. How do we know he’s been influenced? Because he’s wearing a stitched up, rope belted, Scarecrow inspired costume now.

OK, stop right there for a second. What? The Scarecrow actually took the time to calculate Batman’s measurements and sew up a new costume for him? I know the villain is crazy, but that doesn’t make any damn sense. Why didn’t he throw a burlap bag over his head like he did for Batgirl and Talon and whoever the hell else he gassed? Why did he have to stop his plan and command Batman to change clothes? It’s not like EVERYBODY is Scarecrowed out. Professor Pyg and Mr. Freeze, etc. aren’t done up. And for that matter, why not take a look AT HIS FACE while he’s changing clothes? You’d think, hey, I’ve got Batman under my control, I’d make him take his mask off while I’m playing dress up with him in this facsimile costume I stayed up all night sewing. But no.

So the Scarecrow’s plan is to now send out mind controlled Batman with his other partners in crime to scare the bejeezus out of Gothamites and collect their serotonin or something. But even though Batman is supposedly under the Scarecrow’s mind control, nobody bats an eye (PUN!) when he chooses the specific ten people they go to scare? And none of the other cretins notice that these ten people that mind controlled Batman happened to choose were lowlife criminals? This is getting harder to stomach with every page.

They collect all their fear juice or whatever from these victims and take Batman AND his whole crew back to Scarecrow’s hideout where the whole plan is revealed. Sigh. The whole plan which consists of flying dirigibles filled with this new fear gas all over the state and expanding his operation by gassing the whole area. And then Batman stops it by introducing the antitoxin he magically synthesized last issue into the gas flow via ONE TINY CAPSULE of it and then the whole fleet of dirigibles explodes and all his allies snap out of it and they save the day and beat up the bad guys because SURPRISE! Batman wasn’t affected by the gas after all! He was just playing along!

WHAT?

This whole book, this whole mini-series is an insult to my intelligence. It’s all wrapped up and touted like some groundbreaking new thing when, in fact, it’s the same damn Scarecrow story we always get wrapped up in a shiny package:

1.  Scarecrow develops new fear gas.
2.  He unleashes it on the populace.
3.  Batman tries to stop it, gets gassed himself.
4.  Feels effects for maybe a panel or two then through sheer willpower or having pre-synthesized the antidote, doesn’t get affected.
5.  Batman pretends to be under Scarecrow’s control.
6.  Entire plan is revealed to Batman, he snaps out of it and stops the plan.

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

My Gothtopia? My perfect world? 

A world where I don’t have to suffer through crap ass, lazily written storylines like this.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXVI (Green Lantern #29)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

GREEN LANTERN #29

In this issue! Hal Jordan gets humble! Saint Walker feels hopeless! And there’s an Alien Catfish Green Lantern that finds stuff!

In the last issue of what one would call the flagship title of the Green Lantern line of books a whole crap-ton of stuff happened. You may recall my complaining about the packaging of the issue as a flip book with the same numbered Red Lanterns issue in a previous review. Well, the FIVE of you that actually read the review would. The rest of you johnny-come-latelys just need to know that the following things occurred (in no particular order):

Supergirl became a Red Lantern.

Hal Jordan gave Space Sector 2814 (where Earth is) to the Red Lanterns to patrol.

The above deal included leaving ONLY ONE Green Lantern on Earth: Simon Baz. The new guy. That used to be a terrorist.

Ah, you say to yourself, “this issue must be about the likes of Kilowog and Simon Baz and Salakk ripping Hal a new one for making such crappy deals. “ No. “Oh, then these questionable decisions must at least be referred to in this comic and discussed in a civilized…” No. Not even. Nowhere close.  It’s like it’s been the status quo for months in the GL world. Surely SURELY one of these guys would have SOMETHING to say about Hal’s choice. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Maybe DC’s saving THOSE conversations for an Annual.

So what happens of note in this book? Hal, in a rare moment of humility, actually realizes he can’t run the whole universe-spanning Green Lantern Corps all by himself and establishes an advisory board slash war council featuring Salakk, Kilowog and some alien female new recruit. This is after he has the requisite emotional talk with his brother in Coast City to tell him about the new arrangement above and introduce him to Simon Baz who will be keeping an eye out for him.

Back on Mogo, Hal puts together a strike team to take out the guildsmen who are making the light-draining weapons (leftovers from Relic a few crossovers back) for the Khund or whoever (lots of alien races in this book, difficult to keep track) . What makes this not the average sweep in and kick ass GL fight is the new reputation that the Corps has gotten thanks to the shapeshifter’s actions that were attributed universally to Hal. So Hal actually acts like a mature adult for a change and keeps the rest of his team from taking their frustrations out on the guildsmen. He shows some character growth and realizes that the corps’ reputation needs to be healed along with the war being fought. Taking the high road and all that hullabaloo and ballyhoo.

“Wait”, you say, “I was told there would be talk of an alien catfish Green Lantern. That’s the ONLY reason I read the above rambling prattle”. Well, hold on to your Po’ Boys because I don’t know if this guy is new, but I do know that he is AWESOME. I mean, he looks like a Catfish, he talks, he wears a Green Lantern uniform and a ring on one of his fins. To hell with the various squirrel lanterns, this guy is the new hotness. Mark my words, you will see big things from him. And not just that he found the stash of shape shifting meds or polyjuice potion or whatever the Durlan has been using to hide out on Mogo, BIG things.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXV (Revival #18)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

REVIVAL #18

Here we are again, back in picturesque rural Wisconsin. Tim Seeley and Mike Norton have brought us back into the wilds of a town used to minding its own business but which has been shoved onto the international stage through the returning from the dead of some of its citizens. Not to be confused with that ABC show that’s coming out called Resurrection. Those people come back long after they are dead. Also its got the dad from ‘That ‘70’s Show’ in it.  I’d like to see Mike Norton capture the subtlety of craft and the permanent furrowed brow of Kurtwood Smith on the 2 dimensional page.

Anywho, this issue is a nice change of pace from the big death of last issue to some quieter character moments that give the leads even more to contend with then they have already been forced to endure. Seeley can write big, no problem. But I tend to enjoy his lower key outings more. Maybe I’m getting old, appreciating more than just a well placed boob shot or explosion.

Nah, that doesn’t sound like me.

Also, the old exercise guy’s dog gets (possibly) dognapped and (maybe) eaten by one of those glowing ethereal monsters! 

So Officer Dana is now on the trail of the mysterious, scarred ‘masked reviver’ who is a suspect in all the goings on.  During her pursuit last issue, her back was injured and it’s still causing her trouble, making her irritable and lashing out at her son. She does some detective work and finds herself talking to the mortician that was working in the crematorium on ‘Revival Day’ when its occupant ‘revived’ while burning. He is understandably disturbed. But Dana finds out the Reviver was a John Doe of Native American descent.

Meanwhile, Dana’s father, the Sheriff, is harassing one of the ‘militia leaning’ locals for a reason either unrevealed or that I missed last issue. 

Dana’s sister Em, who was having an affair with the professor who died last issue, is having problems of her own. Like ‘throwing up blood and bleeding from the eyes’ kinds of problems. But also, it seems, a little bit of clairvoyance. She runs into the professor’s wife and they have an expectedly terse exchange. Then, unexpectedly, Em kisses her, but not in a sexual way. It seems to be the trigger for Em to…absorb? experience? the person’s memories as she flashed back to the Professor’s last words with his wife. 

So all this happens, then Seeley delivers the most heart wrenching scene a parent could read. Dana tries to apologize to her son and make it up to him.  He tells her that he realizes that nothing’s the same since the dead people came back. That nobody knows who they are or who they are supposed to be anymore. That after all he’s gone through,  the danger he was in and she wasn’t there, even though she’s supposed to be the hero, he knows that she can’t protect him anymore. 

Jesus Tim! Your kids say they hate you all the time, but something like that, that cuts to the bone, dude. So yeah, this series is still extremely well written and drawn. Pick it up.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXIV (Arkham War #6)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

FOREVER EVIL: ARKHAM WAR #6

What is THIS happy horsesh**?

I coulda sworn I reviewed #5. Maybe I intended to but was so disgusted by it I couldn’t bring myself to take pen to paper. That’s entirely possible. I almost couldn’t do it this time. But then I got to the last page and couldn’t not bring this warning to you quick enough.

DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THIS COMIC. 

I’m serious. This book is so gorram ridiculous I can’t even stand it. Like, ‘I want to time travel back 5 months and tell myself not to buy it’ level of bad. And considering the number of other points on my timeline I should probably go to, should the opportunity arise, that’s really saying something.

So the gist is basically The Scarecrow and all the other Arkham nutjobs busted out when the Syndicate took over and basically carved up Gotham into their own little fiefdoms. Bane, who was in Blackgate prison at the time, also escaped, but deciding he was tired of all the loonies, he chose to form his own army from the Blackgate prisoners and fight to retake Gotham for himself.

Ugh.

Along the way both factions fight over the resurrectable bodies of all these leftover Talons from the Court of Owls business , there’s a big battle between the factions in the last issue that ends with all the Arkham kids juicing themselves up with bane’s Venom that Scarecrow was able to reverse engineer from Bane’s blood, with no power or real infrastructure. OK.

So if you hoped to see muscled up versions of your favorite Batman villains including Professor Pyg (who gets sufficiently more deranged on the Venom, including a shout of ‘Head Cheese’!) or Clayface (who pretty much looks exactly the same) or Poison Ivy (yeah, really. NOT sexy), then scratch my time travel advice above and go kill Hitler or something. But if you DON’T like contrived plot devices that make little logical sense outside the realm of the story, let alone within it, then run, don’t walk, away from this series. 

The hulked out nutjobs attack bane while he’s licking his wounds from the last battle, take out some also wounded Talons, and then kidnap Bane and take him back to Arkham for the ‘FINAL BATTLE’. But Bane, ready for a fight, albeit a short one, says what we’re all thinking “You’d better kill me before the venom wears off”. Duh.

So they fight and, wait for it, THE VENOM WEARS OFF, Bane wins, and then Penguin shows up to make a deal. He brings supplies for Bane’s men and asks only to take away the beaten Arkhamites. Bane strings up Scarecrow for show and then puts on the EXACT SAME VEST & PARKA FROM THE MOVIES. What? Why? What’s the damn point? He puts on his coat, strikes a pose and what, we’re supposed to pretend this was Nolan-esque in its subtlety and storytelling? 

Yeah. No.

And there’s still one issue left.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXIII (Forever Evil #6)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

FOREVER EVIL #6

Holy Sweet Buttered Crap! Stuff is starting to happen! It only took 4 issues of pussyfooting around but now we’re getting somewhere! Final battle and all that
 

So Batman and the Legion of Doom finally assault the crashed Watchtower satellite in order to take out some Syndicate and rescue Nightwing. Some appropriately amusing banter between the villains and between Luthor and Batman happen along the way. They find Nightwing, but, holy crap, The Grid (Anti-Cyborg?) has plugged him into the Murder Machine, which basically explodes if he DOESN’T DIE.

MORAL QUANDRY! Batman refuses to kill his partner in order to stop the countdown even though Dick knows it’s the only way and keeps telling him so! Lex Luthor has no qualms about it and blasts Batman and suffocates Nightwing! His heartbeat flatlines by the time Batman can pull Luthor off of him, Luthor tries to tell him it’s not too late but Batman is blinded by RAGE!

MEANWHILE the rest of the LOD is looking to kill them some Syndicate members and make the most important discovery of the whole series but don’t realize it. Firestorm is in the building! And therefore so are all the missing heroes! But they don’t have time to discuss this because the Crime Syndicate arrives in full force and start pounding on them! But not before Black Manta kills the Syndicate’s Alfred and he and Captain Cold discover THE PRISONER!!!!

Now, look, I’m not stupid, ok? I guessed who The Prisoner was from the first panel he was in. Anybody that knows anything about the Syndicate, Earth-3, or any of the history therein knew who he was too. But what I didn’t guess was that he was also…not yet.

BECAUSE CAPTAIN COLD TOTALLY TEARS UP ON JOHNNY QUICK!! In an extremely smooth move he triggers his freeze gun (cold gun, whatever) and it freezes Quick’s leg which Cold then shatters! Atomica is trying to find a way into Black Manta’s pants (that’s right) but can’t and is horrified at what happened to Johnny! It’s nice to see some cutting loose happen and the villains get to enjoy some kinda sorta retribution of their own.

Oh, but then THEN!!

MAZAHS!

Not only is The Prisoner Earth-3’s Alexander Luthor (surprise to no one), but he is also that Universe’s Shazam! Only he is a bad, bad motor scooter. His first act one all lightninged up is to snap Johny Quick’s neck and, apparently, absorb his power. Not sure how that works but the Syndicate is pretty damn scared of him so I’m guessing our heroes need to watch out for this cat as well.

But, hold up. You’re the Crime Syndicate. You go through this whole big thing to come take over our Universe. You research, you plan, you compromise a dude’s machine half and turn it into its own free roaming evil robot. You go so far as to bring this ultimate enemy of yours with you to the new Universe for safe keeping. But when you get here, not only do you not kill him, you secure him by tying him up with some ropes and slapping some duct tape on his mouth so he can’t say his magic word (which is just Shazam backwards. That’s pretty lame ass, Mr. Johns). That makes no got damn sense except as a plot device, and a weak one at that. Even Nightwing, whose only power is to jump and hit and kick real good, gets a bad ass Murder Machine to be stuck in. Now, there seems to be more to the whole Dick Grayson thing that we should hopefully find out next issue, but come on. Slap some handcuffs on Alex or something that ANYONE that finds him can’t take off him.

So everybody is scared, the tension filled switches back and forth between scenes are tight and well devised, Alex threatens to kill everybody to become the best hero here, so he’s clearly as crazy ass as that dude in Florida who got busted for having sex with his Pit Bulls in his front yard.

What? It’s real. Look it up.

COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXII (Batman Superman #8)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

BATMAN SUPERMAN #8

I really don’t like Jae Lee. There, I said it.

I am aware that this will be an unpopular opinion. In the last several years he has gone from being a moody novelty to, apparently, DC’s golden boy. Like, if Gareb Shamus hadn’t imploded under the weight of horrible business decisions he’d be in the top 3 Wizard artists of the month on a regular basis, big. Why else would they give him a whole book featuring their two biggest characters and let him go to town with it? Dirty, stringy haired, gross sunset, wrapped in sheets town.

Don’t get me wrong: on the right book, he’s great. The Dark Tower, for example. Perfect. In fact, I doubt the adaptations/ additional volumes of that series would have kept coming for as long as they did under another artist. He truly created and defined Mid World and the forces of John Farson for everyone that picked up those books. I personally can’t not think of his versions of these characters when talking or thinking about The Dark Tower whatsoever. His style is exactly what that project and that world needed.

But I’m just gonna go on record right now as saying he has absolutely no business going anywhere near Superman, or really DC Comics in general. DC’s world is very clean, very orderly and makes an element of sense. The worlds Jae Lee draws are, most definitely, not.  They are dark and smoky and feature a lot of creepily shaped stone outcroppings. Now, if he was JUST drawing the Batcave, maybe. But THAT’S IT. He’s drawing Superman here and Power Girl here, characters whose whole personas are based on light, and light and the Sun’s energy seem to be an important part of the plot of this crossover (YES!!!! IT’S ANOTHER DAMN CROSSOVER!!!) but even his skies are misty and muted and foggy and dirty. It just doesn’t fit and it pulled me right the hell out of the story.

So basically the Huntress and Power Girl of this world are, in fact, Superman’s cousin and Batman’s daughter from a parallel Universe (Earth 2). This CROSSOVER is supposed to depict their first encounter with their ‘father figures’ of this world. Batman is understandably skeptical, but something is happening to Power Girl where she can’t control her energy, so Superman swoops in and tries to save her, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I won’t KNOW what happens next, because lookit: on the last page ‘To be continued in ‘World’s Finest’’ (which is the book that features these two female characters which I ALREADY dropped in a recent culling a few months ago. So great. Fantastic. Not only is Forever Evil spilling unnecessarily into a bunch of titles, now we got other standalone titles playing forced crossover games with other standalone books. 

Come on, DC. This is a monthly medium but for the love of Christ, you’re sending me running to the trade paperback section with all of this. I don’t want to have to go all TPBs with your line, but you’re quickly giving me no choice. 

I’m developing a moral dilemma. I need to get back to reading comics with a bunch of boobs and explosions. When does Bomb Queen come out?