COMICS IN THE CAN- Episode XXVII (Detective #29)

COMICS IN THE CAN
I used to have time to read my comics in a coffee shop. Now I have to read them in the bathroom. Then I write reviews of them. I wash my hands in between.

DETECTIVE COMICS #29

Hey! Look! It’s Gothtopia! That thing nobody cares about!

I just reread my review of the last issue of this book from last month. I was WAY too kind. I’m taking it all back. This storyline sucked on all levels. And why the hell did it need its own trade dress/ storyline name on the damn cover?!?!?

We open this P.O.S. with Batman now under the Scarecrow’s influence. How do we know he’s been influenced? Because he’s wearing a stitched up, rope belted, Scarecrow inspired costume now.

OK, stop right there for a second. What? The Scarecrow actually took the time to calculate Batman’s measurements and sew up a new costume for him? I know the villain is crazy, but that doesn’t make any damn sense. Why didn’t he throw a burlap bag over his head like he did for Batgirl and Talon and whoever the hell else he gassed? Why did he have to stop his plan and command Batman to change clothes? It’s not like EVERYBODY is Scarecrowed out. Professor Pyg and Mr. Freeze, etc. aren’t done up. And for that matter, why not take a look AT HIS FACE while he’s changing clothes? You’d think, hey, I’ve got Batman under my control, I’d make him take his mask off while I’m playing dress up with him in this facsimile costume I stayed up all night sewing. But no.

So the Scarecrow’s plan is to now send out mind controlled Batman with his other partners in crime to scare the bejeezus out of Gothamites and collect their serotonin or something. But even though Batman is supposedly under the Scarecrow’s mind control, nobody bats an eye (PUN!) when he chooses the specific ten people they go to scare? And none of the other cretins notice that these ten people that mind controlled Batman happened to choose were lowlife criminals? This is getting harder to stomach with every page.

They collect all their fear juice or whatever from these victims and take Batman AND his whole crew back to Scarecrow’s hideout where the whole plan is revealed. Sigh. The whole plan which consists of flying dirigibles filled with this new fear gas all over the state and expanding his operation by gassing the whole area. And then Batman stops it by introducing the antitoxin he magically synthesized last issue into the gas flow via ONE TINY CAPSULE of it and then the whole fleet of dirigibles explodes and all his allies snap out of it and they save the day and beat up the bad guys because SURPRISE! Batman wasn’t affected by the gas after all! He was just playing along!

WHAT?

This whole book, this whole mini-series is an insult to my intelligence. It’s all wrapped up and touted like some groundbreaking new thing when, in fact, it’s the same damn Scarecrow story we always get wrapped up in a shiny package:

1.  Scarecrow develops new fear gas.
2.  He unleashes it on the populace.
3.  Batman tries to stop it, gets gassed himself.
4.  Feels effects for maybe a panel or two then through sheer willpower or having pre-synthesized the antidote, doesn’t get affected.
5.  Batman pretends to be under Scarecrow’s control.
6.  Entire plan is revealed to Batman, he snaps out of it and stops the plan.

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

My Gothtopia? My perfect world? 

A world where I don’t have to suffer through crap ass, lazily written storylines like this.